I am still very very new to this whole being sober shin-dig. And to be honest i'm have two sets of feelings and i'm sure everyone goes through this when they are detoxing. I have had so much temptation to give into my addiction, But my drive to be closer to my Father has had much more power.
I catch myself thinking about things I shouldn't be thinking about and my action and desire to stop and call on my Savior has become easier. There have been many days that I have been hating myself, hating life, and wanting to give up and go back into my my old ways. But I have had my eyes opened, and i know that those thoughts and feelings that creep into my head have Satan written all over it. Heavenly Father would never want me to feel those hateful feelings toward myself and toward anyone else. He is full of joy and love and that's all He wants me for me.
This past evening I was seriously being attached by Satan. I was having the hardest time getting away from it. I was calling for my Savior, it felt like every 5 minutes. I had to then take action because what I was doing would just keep the fight going back and forth. I got up out of bed, it was late but the Spirit was telling me to "get up, and go make some food!" so that's what I did. This little action of removing myself from this fight was actually me winning the fight! because I had the courage to ask my Savior what to do and was able walk away from a scary situation.
As the morning hit I woke with gratitude in my heart. He helped me get to bed safely. As the morning went on I then started to feel really down yet again. So just like I do with my Heavenly Father regularly, I had a conversation with the Devil (well more like me telling him whats up!). I told Him.. "You leave me alone I don't want you here in my home, in my room in the late hours or in any hours. And if you try to come in here again and try to take my happiness way from me, Well buddy! that wont happen, try all you want but I know I will win every time, you know why!? Because I have my Heavenly Father on my side and he will always win!!!" this little conversation i had with Satan felt so good. I was able to get me true feelings out to the one bully I felt i never could.
I know he will be back in my home I know he will be back in my head trying to convince me to give in. I have had enough of it. I don't want to give into something that will take this happiness and true love away from me. Whoever wants to take something so great does not deserve my time.
I imagine Satan as a monkey on my back, annoying and noisy. When he comes around, I say, "get thee hence!"
ReplyDeleteWhat has helped me fall asleep in peace is listening to LDS music.
My daughter does this to help her combat temptations. She also sleeps with her scriptures next to her pillow, so when she wakes up in the morning she is reminded to pray and read her scriptures. It's become second nature to her.
Way to go on the victory over him:)
I love this! I need to seriously have this conversation with the adversary. So good. I love you girl!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteYou are so awesome! I love your face! You inspire me so much:-) You fight him. Never ever give up. Grr at him and flick boogars at him. RAWR!
ReplyDelete